Booze Free in Music City

I decided to wait to write this blog until I actually experienced having my friends come to town this past weekend. Sometimes I write whatever I can ahead of time, or if something has already happened- and I have the time- I’ll try to get whatever I can down on paper (or make sure it’s in the computer??—in my Hansel from Zoolander voice). But here I am, a couple days after hosting friends- one for a week and others for a full weekend- and despite having not drank… I’m still a shell of a person. It’s that time of year when allergies are popping up, and I don’t know if I’m experiencing bad allergies or a cold, or both. I’m writing this from my bed, and I popped a NyQuil just to make sure I can start getting through whatever this is, but I can’t stop sneezing, my eyes are itchy and watery, I’m congested and I want to tackle this in case it is a cold, or turns into a cold. So needless to say, I apologize in advance if my words or analogies end up making you think you’ve entered into a technicolor daydream.

Throughout the blog posts that I’ve made so far, I’ve mentioned that a lot of people coming to Nashville view this city as a party destination. Everyone comes here, wanting to let loose- so what happens when you as the host invite people to Nashville… but you no longer drink? I don’t want to say this was a dilemma to me, but I started to face this head on about 9 months ago. My 40^th birthday was coming up in January, and I had to decide if I wanted to do something- anything- for such a milestone birthday. I’ve had birthday parties throughout my life, but I’ve never had a major birthday party, and I’ve never had a big enough celebration (like a wedding, engagement party, bachelorette or a baby shower) for anyone to need to fly in for. I personally don’t have any of those occasions coming up for me anytime soon, so I decided I was going to host an epic birthday dinner party and start by inviting my out-of-town guests first. I invited all my closest and best friends who range from childhood, high school, and the various places I’ve lived through out my life.

Now keep in mind, back in August I wasn’t really talking to people about me not drinking anymore, as I was trying to figure it out and navigate it. So, I never made a big announcement about it, but I did put on the invitation that I would be paying for dinner, and I asked for my guests to purchase whatever drinks they wanted at the bar. I specially chose my dinner venue because they said I could pay for the dinner while guests could go to the bar and pay for cocktails. Trust me- I looked at multiple venues and for the amount of people I wanted to invite, a lot of them had a Food & Beverage minimum and even told me I had to add on the Alcohol package for people to get drinks, and one even said I had to add an additional package if I wanted non-alcoholic wines and mocktails served at the party… so yeah, I didn’t go with that one. I went with the restaurant that gave me the most flexibility, especially when it came to drinks.

I visited a few of these friends last Fall, as my Full-time job had me flying out to their cities. One girl already wasn’t drinking, so it wasn’t a big deal but I did tell one of them in person that I wasn’t planning to drink for my 40^th birthday. I feel like she was okay with it, but she kept mentioning that the next time I went to Denver she’ll take me to one of her favorite bars to get an Espresso Martini. I told her I’d love to go, but they’d have to make me a non-alcoholic one because I don’t intend to have any more drinks made with alcohol. She didn’t pressure or nag me for that, but I think she needed some time to comprehend what I was doing. Now, here’s where I went right. I’m insanely happy that I made the announcement of my Booze Free blog and social media pages, on January 1^st, because that’s when people A) first heard the news, B) knew I was going to keep myself accountable, and C) that this was me officially saying I’m no longer drinking. I still don’t feel like it was a big deal to my core group of friends coming into town, but it did help to make other people feel better about coming to Nashville.

I mentioned in a previous blog that a friend felt comfortable admitting to me that he was now sober, and didn’t know how to tell me that, until I shared my own story and stance on social media. Another friend ended up having to cancel, due to family obligations, but it turns out she wasn’t drinking anymore and was comforted in knowing I would be out and not drinking. What I’m saying here is that I think it’s vital to make sure your guests know you are not drinking, but chances are people could be on the same page, but everyone is worried they are going to look bad by being the first to admit it. I’m now at a stage where people are super understanding about my stance on not drinking, so I don’t feel pressured by it- but it’s important to make sure you make your guests feel comfortable about their decision to have alcohol. I had 5 friends in town this past weekend, and two of us were not drinking. That means to make everyone feel comfortable, you may have to be able to be around those who drink. Now, I get that there’s a fine balance with how comfortable you can be, and everyone is different. I felt that the group I hosted this weekend was very respectful of my decisions, and no one got blasted out of their gourd.

On a separate note, I did hang out with a major partier friend a few months ago (they came to town and reached out, I didn’t host them that weekend). That was a situation where I did not join them on Broadway at night, but met them for brunch and dinner as I didn’t yet know how to be in such a major party environment, like Broadway, without my excuse of working during my Bar Crawl shift. But for general friends who drink, but don’t go balls to the wall, I think just making sure they feel comfortable ordering drinks and having fun is important. I know everyone is different, but I have made the choice to be the friend who brings a bottle of wine to people’s houses (I bring something for the host and something I will drink- just in case), or still has a few alcoholic options in the fridge (granted- I have a few Loverboy Spritz’ left over from my drinking days), but because I don’t personally associate drinking alcohol with being home, it is not triggering for me to have them there. I never think about them, and to be honest they’ve been there for years, so if someone really wants it then more power to them.

Here are my Top 5 recommendations for hosting friends in Nashville:
1. You can still go out on Broadway but focus more on spots that have activities to do: I took my friends to Category 10, because I want to get more into line-dancing, and I like that there’s an activity to focus on. Turns out, my friends absolutely loved this and we spent a ton of time there over the weekend! I also recommend places like Play Underground for games (and their mocktail menu). You can also do a Party Bus since the drinks are BYOB (Bring Your Own Beverage)

2. Although I had some Loverboy’s sitting in my fridge, no one drank those… instead, they drank the Cali Sobers I had. I think this is a great middle- maybe you don’t have alcoholic drinks at home, but if you are comfortable having something like a Cali Sober drink in the fridge- that could be a nice middle ground for friends to have a night cap before heading to bed.

3. Know how your friends like to party ahead of inviting them to Nashville- the group I hosted this weekend likes to have a fun time, but they don’t have to get blitzed. At no point was anyone uncomfortable, or sick or regretting what they did the night before. In fact, my guests wanted to do yoga during the day and we kept going back to Category 10 to line dance in the evenings.

4. Know how to maintain your energy in a positive manner- I know anytime I’m out on Broadway, the energy is different. Obviously you have a bunch of people drinking, and it gets more chaotic as the night goes on. Have a plan for how you are going to go into such a high-energy situation (do you need to take a disco nap first? do you need to drink coffee before going out? do you need to listen to a playlist to hype you up?)

5. Be okay with the fact that you may need to not be out on Broadway till the bars shut down. My friends and I went to a few bars on Saturday night- Category 10, the Stage, and ended at Lucky Bastard’s. It was starting to get to the point of people getting sloppy. I was in line to use the restroom, and a lady in front of me was swaying back and forth. I asked her if there was a line, and she said “we can’t help it if our hormonal pussies need to piss”. So yeah, that was my cue to leave. I did book a hotel room for us downtown, so we’d be more central on Saturday night- and we made it to about 12:30 pm- but didn’t need to be out in the true chaos anymore. Everyone was cool and we went back to the hotel room- we ate whatever food and birthday cake we had there, drank Cali Sobers, and laughed at silly stories. It’s okay to have a limit and know what your limit is.